The last few months have revealed a side of me that I’d rather not have seen.
For most parts, the people who know me have envied my level of confidence. But, like all things that are up that must come down at times, this has too. The reasons are unfortunately, aplenty.
It’s not a secret that what I’m doing now is perhaps not best suited for me. I miss too much for me to be happy. I miss the people. I miss ‘not’ having to stare at something till a something drops onto my window, from three thousand and more miles away. I miss being social, I have become such a whine pot. It’s anything but nice to know me now, really. To those who do know me and who have desperately made an effort to bring the old Divya back, thank you. You know who you are. :)
Something else that’s perhaps less known is how I’m unsure that I’ll ever find someone to love me for the person I am. The person I have become. I don’t believe you wake up and decide to shop for a boyfriend / partner / spouse, whichever applies. What I am amazed about is the timing of it all. Even if I do meet someone who I think is ideal, it seems to me that the gods work overtime to ensure that the timing is not close to heavenly. I’m only human, I have liked people in the last two years but for some reason I’ve not been able to take the chance on myself. I wonder aloud if there’s someone out there to change that?
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People, please feel free to leave a comment, but, just let me know who you are. :)
Rahul, I can't reply to scraps on Orkut from work as my system keeps throwing up an error message. I hope you read this to know that you're always welcome to leave me a comment. :)
take it from a person whose dreams are being constantly revised, I know exactly how you feel...and I don't know the old Divya, so I'll stop there.
On love, its nice that you still have these notions. "Shopping" for a partner is ridiculously simple once you get down to it, but hardly ever worth it. Far too many take that choice though...some call it adapting...I dunno.
Anyway...its nice to know that you're not cynical about the idea.
On another note, since you don't read scraps...who did you meet?
I am ashamed to admit that this is a topic I think about practically all the time.
*sigh*
Is it right to expect so much from another person?
I don't know, but I just go right ahead and expect it anyway.
Hence behold me still unloved and unloving at twenty-two :D
I am sure there is sosmeone out there
Jack shall have jill
naught shall go ill
by admitting the fact that you DO expect, you're being a lot more honest than those who claim not to, but do so anyway. i'm afraid i have been trying to get myself out of the latter into the former. :)
you go, T.
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