Friday, March 30, 2007

Trying my best to turn that brand new leaf.

My world of colour, where do I begin?

The last few months that I've been away from this page, my life has done the yo-yo. Almost like never before. Sure, there have been those moments where you lose a footing, where the right words seem a thousand miles away, but a few life changing decisions are sitting before me, waiting for one of the two buttons to be pushed.

If you've read Jonathan Stroud, I feel like I'm a being from the Other World. No form, no shapes and sizes, just fluidity. I flow from one day and spill onto the next. Let me try to bring some order to this:

First up, in about a month I will put this one year at my current organization behind me. Not entirely, mind you. I take with me the knowledge that when the going gets 'potholes-in-the-road' rough, I chose not to go, not to run away. I will leave on my own terms and the few extra rupees don't make me flinch.

Then the biggie. My parents want me to get married. Serious married. Have your pictures taken, married. I haven't rebelled, as for once, I'm thinking beyond myself. Many jaws have dropped, eyes have rolled, nothing I didn't expect. I go back in time, think of my interview at college, on how I never EVER wanted to be married. *Insert: I want to be 17 again.* What puzzles me is how do you answer questions like, 'Do you think this is the right thing to do? Isn't it easier to fall in love? Do you want to be subjected to this sort of judgment? How will you connect with a boy sitting in NY, for crying out loud?' I don't have any of the answers. I make some of them up, but find myself getting annoyed for attempting to justify. I don't know if there's a Mr. Right who will waltz in when the clock strikes 12, holding the shiniest shoe or rock on a ring or any such thing. I'm only trying to see how far I can go, how far I can accept that every knight will have a couple odd kinks in that armour. And why don't people get that?

Just before this comes to a grand close, I want to hug and thank all my friends who've stood by me, lent their ears and a whole lot more, let themselves be subjected to my all consuming rants, who've either been indifferent till I run out of words or who have something nice to say at that moment or who've tried to crack the lousiest joke just to see if I have any humour left in me. I love you all. :)


Binita said...

Glad to know you're still writing here. And writing well, too. All the very best if you're planning to take the plunge. Take care!

austin said...

dude ......i really dont know if this like an APRIL's joke gone WRONG

but hope things turn out for the best...

(and knowing the fighter that you are ...head strong chick...things WILL be better)